There is quite sometime i didn't upload this blog
Not that I don't wanna update
just that sometimes I don't know what to say

There will be never ending stories when it comes to my sad sad story
Sad~~ movies~~ Always makes me cry~~~

Cut the crap
Since I saw someone request my updates, No problem
Here you go
Series of unfortunate event recently
My personal life?
Still single, crap as always, Junky and sucks
I just have the feeling that, I am not appreciated
What ever I do, people never noticed, Or if they did
They ignored

I've been trying to be nice and get close, but people seems trying to run away
And, I've been giving questions, requesting answers, but in the end, answers comes out from someone else
Guess I am someone that not worth to talk to, Even things like this I don't get reject in my face, but through someone else
Know What? I hate it
I really really hate it
It hurts more than you slap in my face.
Why Just can't tell me, that I'm done, we're done, simple right?


There is always conflicts and funny stuff happen when it comes to group assignment
Especially ALOT of people in a group
Like what I am having now, a 15 people group assignment
Task is shoot a 15-30 mins short film
Well i Guess this is what we're studying, and what we're going to do in the future, or at least internship, right?
I did not expect everyone to be expert
At least I was wishing everyone will be doing job
As in, try to help out, try to do stuff, just DO things
But it isn't come out that way

We have our post, who is directer, who is this and that
AND some people just taking it too serious
they think, once we've got this job, we can ONLY do this job
OTHERS can't help, and nor do they
Funny thinking right?
As a team, we should help out each other, you can't do, we help
We can't do, you help, simple as that
Final Goal? get the short film ready and done nicely

OF COURSE, conflict makers won't think that way
They say, 'He/she is over the borderline'
But when they say things like this, they never think
What is their contribution in this production
They think they do their job well, AND THAT'S IT
While We're thinking how to make the short film go well
They are thinking how to act well in the group

You ask them do extra stuff, they refuse
People are busy shooting
And I am acting
They are reading magazine
I don't give a damn
With your current attitude, when it comes to internship
I'd say, good luck and fair well
During production, everyone suppose to stand by
Beside or outside where they shooting


I am so tired, tired in chasing after people
Tired in doing assignments
Tired in remaining relationships, bonds with others

But no matter what, I just need to take a break, riight?

Good day to everyone, and Good luck to everyone







Man is a very funny creature
They often choose to hidden their inner side
They always have something that wanna stay hidden
For example

He is missing someone
But he choose to say, just ok la

He wanted to have a talk
But he choose to say, never mind take your time

All you need is a little courage
to sent out the 'how are you today' message
But in the end the message lay hidden in the draft
I've been trying a lot to do what I can
But it's not enough
I wanted more
More to you
And more from you.

But sad to say,
We never will.



Someone get mood swing easily when thinking of those funny scenes, scenario or things that make things wrong. They cry, they get mad.
But, when it happen, you feel nothing. You got no reaction

Like me
I can feel the pain in me, the urge to cry, but i don't know how to express my feelings
Hahaha guess I'm stun and crazy already
Apparently I absent my emotion express class, I don't know what kinda emotion I should have

I Feels like so helpless
Know what? Everything screwed. What I have now is just a simple joke to me, also the joke in my life.

No one know I didn't ask for this, what want to end like this?
Sorry to everyone, I might have to rest myself for sometime
And please don't question anything, please.
Just, please give me sometime.
Things are gonna be alright, I will try make things right.
I am better to be just alone.
But, thank you for being honest with me
It hurts but at least i appreciate you still trust me and not lying to me
I got nothing to say, speechless at the moment



Is it people that fallen onto someone have mood swing all the time?
I got mine very rapid
I can be very happy this moment and get moody later on

Things totally out of control
Yet I don't have the will to do it!
I hate you, and I hate myself!


I realise I'm not that strong
Maybe I am just overestimated myself

I thought I can just hang over for 2 more years for the answer
But I find out that it was just a lousy hope that I've got
I thought I have strenght to continue loving you
I wish and I have faith in you
But I realise things doesn't go as I hope

I'm giving out my best to you
You might think that it is nothing but it worth alot to me

You already know it, but you just ignore it
You act like nothing, it hurts me more
All I got it those stupid hope and fantasy from you
I just don't know how to continue like this.
You are trying to be good
But sorry i don't appriciate it

You got it, I am emo, again.



I hate dream.
Either those dreams while you're sleeping, or those 'hope' that you get.

Sure people will say, Dream is GOOD, it gives you something that you wanted the most that you might not get it.
Well, true enough. Sounds like a coward, because they only Dream and not doing it.

I hate both kind of dream, which makes me somekinda phyco-path person.
My dreamland while sleeping can be very scaring and irritating.
Because it's always nightmare based. Its either I get kill by those you-know-what black shadow thingie, or I died because of certain unexplainable phenomena.
Sounds like I have some kinda mental problem right?ha ha
My dreamland change only when certain things happen, Example; when I fall in love, which is the most positive dream that exist in my life can be. Those scenes and actions that never happen(Or i should say i not dare to make it happen) will appear, syok betul tu! haha
OR, when I have great pressure or stress on certain stuff, my dream will force me to recap everything that bothers me in real life. which kinda annoying.
The rest, I don't remember anymore LoL.

Second type of dream, to me is just false hope that drives you mad without notice. And when the dream end, truth reveal, your 'dream' explode like a bubble, and so do your 'hope', 'dream', 'faith' and your 'heart'.

I often call myself a realistic person, but the truth is I lied to myself, I tend to forget, to ignore things that really happening. The worst is, I always 'hope' for things turn well.

Dream give us strength to move on, and to achieve something
But it's not real unless you do something.
I hope my dream can take me to where I want to be.
I hope my dream can make me your man.
Although I hate dream so much.



I am thinking to make this blog a little nicer
but somehow my creativity juice isn't enough to do so
Just leave it this way ya.
Everysince i only update this blog just to collect the negative aura of mine.


Weird to know there is people viewed my blog, this english blog
I am so supprised and I'd like to say thank you to those who so 'KePo' about other people's blog haha.

I wanted to let people know I am fine, although I am not
Or I should say, not VERY but PARTIALLY fine.
I know what is in my mind now, and I know what I trying to do
I know, to get rewarded from the love you pay isn't an easy task.
I'll try and I'll definately won't give up.
There are certain thing that I am very stubborn about.
Love, Money, Health, Freedom, and those funny terms that everybody's chasing LOL

I put love as first place, I love those people I care, and I willing to do everything for that spetacular person. I don't mind I'd get rejected, I just don't want to give up without trying.
No matter what are you, who are you, it doesn't matter to me.
What I want is your love. And everything will be fine.

Yes, my loyal reader, You all get it right, I am SUFFERING from loving someone haha!!
It is not a big secrat anyway, just that it is just one sided ones, Sob and Tears for me.
Shit those fellas that dare to stop me or look down at me!
And thanks to those wish for me, I'll try until the end.


There are always things that can't be said
Things that can't exist

Once you cross the border line, and that's all
Everything will be 'saved'
and no restore point, and no restart all over again

Every step you take, is your final judgement

As time goes by, as I grow older
I realise, things that we do, are forced to follow the trend
Or maybe, try to suits people around you but not yourself
You will have to do things that you might don't like it

Now, I am drunk, And I realise, You are still here
And the other thing is, I love you, and I can't forget you
Yet the feeling goes stronger and stronger
People say drunk makes people blur
But I say, Alcohol, strengthen the feeling inside you
I missed you now, Yes I am, more and more
I think of you now, Yes I am, more and more
I want you now, Yes I am, But I can't
For every moment I have in my life now, There is always shadow of you inside it.
But I can't do anything much
I leave myself in dilemma
In a situation that no other can help

I want to love you, but I don't know how
I want to lose you, but I can't let go
I want to Hug you, but I don't have the chance

I know, I am not the one that can stand beside you
And you know, I am just a guy that can't control my feelings
But you never know, how I feel, to hold back the feelings everytime when you are with me

I want to be stoped, but I don't know how
I love you, but I hate you more
For making me emotional, for making me so lose control
For making me, so into you.
And I totally don't know how to react
In front of you.


I don't

Everything are unpredictable, don't you think?

I say, I'm fine, I might turn out sick later
Now she says Okie, But she's not later.

I always wanted to be have a smooth and constant lifestyle
Not much of chances, of course no supprises and bad news coming in from no where.
Face things which very hard but just work hard
Too bad, we are human.
And living in a world full with changes, supprises, bad or good one

I'd say, I am afraid
Facing unknown future, losing someone, missing something, miss out events, left out from society, get myself changed, getting sick, lose myself in no where
Everything in my life without guarentee , everything are not under control
Turn out that I am just a coward, I have no courage to face what coming.

People born in a family, but its destiny that everyone will lose someone someday
Your father, mother, brother, sister, cousins, aunties, uncles, friends, girlfriend, boyfriend
Those precious ones, you can't hold them with you, forever, I can't hold them, forever
Until now only I knew, I don't wanna miss a thing, a single word, single hug, single kiss, single gathering, single dinner with those I like, I love, I apprieciate.

Hope what is left , is not regret.