Things that Dc never say

Explode

2009-08-07T10:15:00.002+08:00

There is quite sometime i didn't upload this blog
Not that I don't wanna update
just that sometimes I don't know what to say

There will be never ending stories when it comes to my sad sad story
Sad~~ movies~~ Always makes me cry~~~

Cut the crap
Since I saw someone request my updates, No problem
Here you go
Series of unfortunate event recently
===========================================
My personal life?
Still single, crap as always, Junky and sucks
I just have the feeling that, I am not appreciated
What ever I do, people never noticed, Or if they did
They ignored

I've been trying to be nice and get close, but people seems trying to run away
And, I've been giving questions, requesting answers, but in the end, answers comes out from someone else
Guess I am someone that not worth to talk to, Even things like this I don't get reject in my face, but through someone else
Know What? I hate it
I really really hate it
It hurts more than you slap in my face.
Why Just can't tell me, that I'm done, we're done, simple right?

===========================================

There is always conflicts and funny stuff happen when it comes to group assignment
Especially ALOT of people in a group
Like what I am having now, a 15 people group assignment
Task is shoot a 15-30 mins short film
Well i Guess this is what we're studying, and what we're going to do in the future, or at least internship, right?
I did not expect everyone to be expert
At least I was wishing everyone will be doing job
As in, try to help out, try to do stuff, just DO things
But it isn't come out that way

We have our post, who is directer, who is this and that
AND some people just taking it too serious
they think, once we've got this job, we can ONLY do this job
OTHERS can't help, and nor do they
Funny thinking right?
As a team, we should help out each other, you can't do, we help
We can't do, you help, simple as that
Final Goal? get the short film ready and done nicely

OF COURSE, conflict makers won't think that way
They say, 'He/she is over the borderline'
But when they say things like this, they never think
What is their contribution in this production
They think they do their job well, AND THAT'S IT
While We're thinking how to make the short film go well
They are thinking how to act well in the group

You ask them do extra stuff, they refuse
People are busy shooting
And I am acting
They are reading magazine
I don't give a damn
With your current attitude, when it comes to internship
I'd say, good luck and fair well
During production, everyone suppose to stand by
Beside or outside where they shooting

=======================================

I am so tired, tired in chasing after people
Tired in doing assignments
Tired in remaining relationships, bonds with others

But no matter what, I just need to take a break, riight?

Good day to everyone, and Good luck to everyone

病了

2009-06-25T22:46:00.002+08:00

我又病了
这次是消化不良，而且这次持续很久了。。。
差不多有2个礼拜，看了医生，吃了3天药
感觉上好了一点，不过有时候那恶心的感觉还会有
而且祸不单行的是，我昨晚睡觉，冷到了。。现在的我
消化不良还未完全痊愈，现在却好像要伤风发烧，我的天啊。。。

明天去槟城拍摄，然后直接去怡保
希望可以在家乡痊愈之后回KL从新来过！

希望大家身体健康哦~
下回见

2009-04-27T10:17:00.002+08:00

Man is a very funny creature
They often choose to hidden their inner side
They always have something that wanna stay hidden
For example

He is missing someone
But he choose to say, just ok la

He wanted to have a talk
But he choose to say, never mind take your time

All you need is a little courage
to sent out the 'how are you today' message
But in the end the message lay hidden in the draft
I've been trying a lot to do what I can
But it's not enough
I wanted more
More to you
And more from you.

But sad to say,
We never will.

Finally

2009-04-01T02:24:00.003+08:00

Someone get mood swing easily when thinking of those funny scenes, scenario or things that make things wrong. They cry, they get mad.
But, when it happen, you feel nothing. You got no reaction

Like me
I can feel the pain in me, the urge to cry, but i don't know how to express my feelings
Hahaha guess I'm stun and crazy already
Apparently I absent my emotion express class, I don't know what kinda emotion I should have

I Feels like so helpless
Know what? Everything screwed. What I have now is just a simple joke to me, also the joke in my life.

No one know I didn't ask for this, what want to end like this?
YOU THINK I WANTED ALL THIS?
Sorry to everyone, I might have to rest myself for sometime
And please don't question anything, please.
Just, please give me sometime.
Things are gonna be alright, I will try make things right.
I am better to be just alone.
But, thank you for being honest with me
It hurts but at least i appreciate you still trust me and not lying to me
I got nothing to say, speechless at the moment

STUPID

2009-03-31T03:28:00.002+08:00

Is it people that fallen onto someone have mood swing all the time?
I got mine very rapid
I can be very happy this moment and get moody later on
FUNNY!

Things totally out of control
Yet I don't have the will to do it!
I hate you, and I hate myself!
DC! WHY THE HECK YOU SO STUPID!!!
YOU AREN'T YOU ANYMORE!

2009-03-28T23:55:00.002+08:00

I realise I'm not that strong
Maybe I am just overestimated myself

I thought I can just hang over for 2 more years for the answer
But I find out that it was just a lousy hope that I've got
I thought I have strenght to continue loving you
I wish and I have faith in you
But I realise things doesn't go as I hope

I'm giving out my best to you
You might think that it is nothing but it worth alot to me

You already know it, but you just ignore it
You act like nothing, it hurts me more
All I got it those stupid hope and fantasy from you
I just don't know how to continue like this.
You are trying to be good
But sorry i don't appriciate it

You got it, I am emo, again.

Dream

2009-03-16T03:33:00.002+08:00

I hate dream.
Either those dreams while you're sleeping, or those 'hope' that you get.

Sure people will say, Dream is GOOD, it gives you something that you wanted the most that you might not get it.
Well, true enough. Sounds like a coward, because they only Dream and not doing it.

I hate both kind of dream, which makes me somekinda phyco-path person.
My dreamland while sleeping can be very scaring and irritating.
Because it's always nightmare based. Its either I get kill by those you-know-what black shadow thingie, or I died because of certain unexplainable phenomena.
Sounds like I have some kinda mental problem right?ha ha
My dreamland change only when certain things happen, Example; when I fall in love, which is the most positive dream that exist in my life can be. Those scenes and actions that never happen(Or i should say i not dare to make it happen) will appear, syok betul tu! haha
OR, when I have great pressure or stress on certain stuff, my dream will force me to recap everything that bothers me in real life. which kinda annoying.
The rest, I don't remember anymore LoL.

Second type of dream, to me is just false hope that drives you mad without notice. And when the dream end, truth reveal, your 'dream' explode like a bubble, and so do your 'hope', 'dream', 'faith' and your 'heart'.

I often call myself a realistic person, but the truth is I lied to myself, I tend to forget, to ignore things that really happening. The worst is, I always 'hope' for things turn well.

Dream give us strength to move on, and to achieve something
But it's not real unless you do something.
I hope my dream can take me to where I want to be.
I hope my dream can make me your man.
Although I hate dream so much.

Fall

2009-03-10T17:42:00.003+08:00

I am thinking to make this blog a little nicer
but somehow my creativity juice isn't enough to do so
So...
Just leave it this way ya.
Everysince i only update this blog just to collect the negative aura of mine.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Weird to know there is people viewed my blog, this english blog
I am so supprised and I'd like to say thank you to those who so 'KePo' about other people's blog haha.

I wanted to let people know I am fine, although I am not
Or I should say, not VERY but PARTIALLY fine.
I know what is in my mind now, and I know what I trying to do
I know, to get rewarded from the love you pay isn't an easy task.
I'll try and I'll definately won't give up.
There are certain thing that I am very stubborn about.
Love, Money, Health, Freedom, and those funny terms that everybody's chasing LOL

I put love as first place, I love those people I care, and I willing to do everything for that spetacular person. I don't mind I'd get rejected, I just don't want to give up without trying.
No matter what are you, who are you, it doesn't matter to me.
What I want is your love. And everything will be fine.

Yes, my loyal reader, You all get it right, I am SUFFERING from loving someone haha!!
It is not a big secrat anyway, just that it is just one sided ones, Sob and Tears for me.
Shit those fellas that dare to stop me or look down at me!
And thanks to those wish for me, I'll try until the end.

2009-02-27T02:57:00.002+08:00

There are always things that can't be said
Things that can't exist

Once you cross the border line, and that's all
Everything will be 'saved'
and no restore point, and no restart all over again

Every step you take, is your final judgement

As time goes by, as I grow older
I realise, things that we do, are forced to follow the trend
Or maybe, try to suits people around you but not yourself
You will have to do things that you might don't like it

Now, I am drunk, And I realise, You are still here
And the other thing is, I love you, and I can't forget you
Yet the feeling goes stronger and stronger
People say drunk makes people blur
But I say, Alcohol, strengthen the feeling inside you
I missed you now, Yes I am, more and more
I think of you now, Yes I am, more and more
I want you now, Yes I am, But I can't
For every moment I have in my life now, There is always shadow of you inside it.
But I can't do anything much
I leave myself in dilemma
In a situation that no other can help

I want to love you, but I don't know how
I want to lose you, but I can't let go
I want to Hug you, but I don't have the chance

I know, I am not the one that can stand beside you
And you know, I am just a guy that can't control my feelings
But you never know, how I feel, to hold back the feelings everytime when you are with me

I want to be stoped, but I don't know how
I love you, but I hate you more
For making me emotional, for making me so lose control
For making me, so into you.
And I totally don't know how to react
In front of you.

I don't

2009-02-10T01:09:00.002+08:00

Everything are unpredictable, don't you think?

I say, I'm fine, I might turn out sick later
Now she says Okie, But she's not later.

I always wanted to be have a smooth and constant lifestyle
Not much of chances, of course no supprises and bad news coming in from no where.
Face things which very hard but just work hard
Too bad, we are human.
And living in a world full with changes, supprises, bad or good one

I'd say, I am afraid
Facing unknown future, losing someone, missing something, miss out events, left out from society, get myself changed, getting sick, lose myself in no where
Everything in my life without guarentee , everything are not under control
Turn out that I am just a coward, I have no courage to face what coming.

People born in a family, but its destiny that everyone will lose someone someday
Your father, mother, brother, sister, cousins, aunties, uncles, friends, girlfriend, boyfriend
Those precious ones, you can't hold them with you, forever, I can't hold them, forever
Until now only I knew, I don't wanna miss a thing, a single word, single hug, single kiss, single gathering, single dinner with those I like, I love, I apprieciate.

Hope what is left , is not regret.

2009-01-08T16:59:00.002+08:00

When something comes to an end, I rarely feels sad.

Something is gone, it will replace by something else, that's what I believe

Time lapse, gain ages.

Things gone forever, what is left, is memories.

I might gone one day, you too, he too, she too.
But I exist as a positive side or negative ones?
I am a very love face guy( chinese will know what i mean)
I take lots of action, put alot of effort trying to have the best appearence
I wanted to be best of the best, although i might not the one
I want to be the cheerful, yet very cool goodlooking guy around
and i am trying to be one!

Break time

2008-10-13T01:48:00.002+08:00

Am a guy that easily cry
Not blessed or even cared

Some saying, Chinese thinking of course
Man can bleed,but cannot cry
Says who?

ha ha, i been once cry, not because of someone pass away,or something similiar
I cry on a shoulder of someone, which someone very near,and yet
Far away from me

Guess, having trip to other places helps
Thou it is a lonely trip

When time comes, I can't run
It is the time, I need to take a break
For future, for myself
Time for a break

Meme and me

2008-09-30T22:46:00.002+08:00

Haha, its time to clean some spiderwed here
Since the owner *me* is being lazy to stay in a fluffy house *this blog* which have no visitors *ghost i think got la*

But I guess this blog will angry me if I keep input negative emo into it
Errrhh!! I tried not to do so, But so sorry, My dear Blog, I am sad, depressed, unmotivated, and please name those negative type emo to me please, I am poor in english

I am confused, to a specific person
Which only involved in my fantacy world, in real world?
Someone far away from me, unreachable
But yet, its not wrong to like someone
I am just too naive to put hope in a never-gonna-happen happy ending scene
Until now I am still hoping and praying and whatsoever things that like a 18 years old lady day dreaming about

F*** it!!!
Since when I changed?
Since when I let intruder come whack my peacefulness
F*** it!!!!!!

I changed when people saying I am too cool
Well, thats my origin
Now, I am too hot-hearted and yet get hurt

I think it's time, forgeting those funny stuffs
Be a normal DC
Cool and stabil, that is more like me
Not like the one you asking, for no reason.

Friend

2008-08-27T23:04:00.003+08:00

さしぶりだね
Rainy days recently
From the dark greyish sky to my deepest mind
I can feel my heart is crying like the sky did
I try not to think, But I always forgot to forgot
Your damn face appeared with joy pop up my day always
But then losing sight of you will make me lose control
That's why I always wishes, wish that you can stick with me always

But too bad, there is nothing I can do except wishing
To me, as long as you still remember to call up my name, as a friend
That will be enough, althought I am selfish that
Until I think one day you will be mine, but I can't, I don't want
I can't afford you to like me, I rather hurt myself to remain this situation
I want you to be happy, to be special, to be bright, but not someone like me
It's a pain knowing you, But thank you for making me have the feelings again
At least it proves I am still a human being
Thank you
Friend, that I will try to be one of your friend.only.

Moody

2008-08-05T23:28:00.004+08:00

It's been a while
I didn't update anything here.
Well, tonight its a chance for me to relif my pains here.
Recently its very happy and satisfying, been go clubbing, go yam char, go for dining out, go movies, go shopping, everything seems very nice, and it did makes me very happy

But not tonight

I don't understand why, when night time I will have this pain in my heart, that makes me hard to breath, difficult to think, and feel bad to live.
Is this some kind of depression?
Or, I am just being too lonely

People always like to ask, 'whos your GF ar?'
But I always answer, 'Single not bad meh?'

I guess I always being alone, Think alone, act alone, and somehow, I don't feel like want to accept a partner but indeed, Deep inside me says, I need one.

I want someone to hug when I need warm
I want someone cheers me when I need praise
I want someone scold me when I am rude
I want someone call me when I am bored
I want someone to hold when I at outside
I want someone care when I need them

Oh well, I want too much already, too greedy being a mortal.
Hope Tomorrow will be another better day.
Rainy and cloudy days please go away.
Shadow within me fade off
Let me hold my own feelings

Wonderland

2008-07-08T18:39:00.002+08:00

I have a dream~~

(Background music: I have a dream, By Westlife)

Haha, today i went for counselling with my lecturer, I enjoy this small conversation with her, Althought its a very very 'small' one, Its about why we are taking 'Broadcasting' this course, and how suitable are we in this field.

Well, the result for me is 'Ok OK' only, seems like I still a little bit of confuse of what I really wanna be at the future. She asked ' what kinda position you want to be in broadcasting this role?'

Hmmm, I want to get famous~ haha, I guess for most of the people, YEAH, I WANNA GET FAMOUS

Some might not, but still, i say what my 'fantasy' ambition is, to be, Or will be someone famous.

But that is not my dream.

Not really is.

Unlike others children living with some ordinary parents, "When big son,go be doctor/lawyer/whatever"

This is from TV, of course.

My mom used to ask me study more, then thats it.

Work hard in anything, wherever you want, whatever you want, just do it(Nike slogan,lol)

The first ambition on my mind, is to be a Pilot~

Imagine you are driving an airplane or something, SO YENG~ haha

This is when I was 9, come back from HK, separate with my mom. Purpose? I can fly to where my mom is. NAHHHHH, this is when I was 9.

When grow older, I don't need her that much, compare to my lonely childhood, I become more independant, I want to be free, Yes. FREE.

My dream changed, I want to be Air steward, same with my mom, and also my mom's sister,and some of my relatives.

I always listen to my mom and my aunt's fantasy story about the world, the culture, and how beautiful the world is.

But yet, should i face the reality that i have 'disappropriate' of my face, acne scars, and also some minor scars on my hand.
I put faith, I have trust, but I don't have strength to do it alone.

2008-05-16T14:45:00.002+08:00

I am hot

well,its HOT

Journey from my house to the bus station is a walk to garden in hell

Almost take my life away

I just don't know why western loves sun that much

At least I don't appriciate it,plus,I hate it

Anyway,thanks to the sun providing me HOT temparature

So that I won't get sick that easy

Since I got a very sensitive NOSE and a funny body

Less sleeps? ==> Flu and sneeze all day long ==> Sick

Get cold? ==> Flu and sneeze all day long ==> Sick

Other formulae shows no different,end up? Sick

I'd take care myself, and I really tried many times

But, Sigh.... makes no differences

Till now, Mr. Sickness from someone haven't change at all

Richie

2008-04-29T11:50:00.005+08:00

Last night jessica forward an email to me
Its all about DOGS

Kinda reminds me of my dog
Not really mine la,my uncle bought it
and leave it to my grandma to raise
then he sendiri go penang work
pandai dia

It is a Black labrador

He is black
He is handsome
He is FAT
He is greedy
He is LAZY
He is pity(I always beat him when i get beaten from grandma)
His name is Richie

(pic from google)

I was 9 when they buy that black little labrador
Which looks like the pic I uploaded

When he is still a puppy,
He is cute(puppy mah)
He is NAUGHTY(while he growing teeth,my grandma's car get bitten and part of the car leaves mark from his MOUTH)
He is PITY(after bitten up my TOYSSS,I use stick beat him)

End up he is my fellow during childhood,a pity one

When I was 10,my family and I go for a trip
which leaves him home alone
We ask my grandpa to feed him when we on vacasion
========================================
After 1 week,when we back,WE realise...
HE IS NOT RICHIE!!TURN TO BE BIG FAT ASS DOG
Since that day,we force him to diet
(My grandpa keep feeding him chicken organ,NON STOP)
(He says,'richie seems not full enough,I give he eat,then i give LO)

Example of a black labrador

but mine
Richie..
Is alot
alot alot
more fatter

(Diet failed)

He always eat things I give to him
(Food i don't like,my grandma never know where it goes haha)
I mean,no matter what THINGS
Once I throw a tissue holding LOADS of 'water from nose'
(Imagine it how 'liquid' it is,not I not purposely throw to him)
He came and eat it.....
(YUCK!!!)

I don't like to wash him
Because he will just 'swing' himself?(I don't know the word)
which will makes me wet as well,i tried once
NO THANKS,I let my grandma do the job,since she love it

He likes me to tickle,when he see me raise up hand
He will show his BODY and let me tickle
Lazy,really lazy
He can sleep in the same place more then 4 hours without moving
LAZY
Ball I throw away,he will 'walk' there slowly and pick it up
VERY LAZY

Until I 17 years old
He is getting old and sick

He can't stand probably for his last few months
After he 'sit' or 'sleep',I have to hug him and raise him up
He cry,because he can't stand by itself
We thought is just 'wind wet'(read in cantonese)

After few times,I hug him and send him to hospital

because he can't 'pee' smoothly

Doctor says its cancer for him,which can't help much
Can only use pain killer for the time

After 1 month,
I was crying when I know he is dead
I was in national service
I know it from my grandma's call
I can't see him for my last time
When I finish national service
I found out I don't have any picture of him

There goes,for my only childhood fellow
which let me bully and beat haha,But I always love my dog
I don't have his picture,but he is always within my family
I love you richie!

Mother

2008-04-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

This is what happen,when a mother INTERRUPT into her son's life
honestly,I am not a good guy,I don't actually do something to comfort my mom

But I guess starting of this blog, will make her happy
Why?

Because this is HER'S order
this is the reason of saying interruption
'Practice makes prefect'
URH!!

I prefer blogs of mine decribing or telling story

so,my MOTHER will be my first topic

My mother
Charming
Clever
Caring
Cheerful
Confident
Cute(I meant it)
Carmen,was my mother's name

She give birth to me while shes 22(pandai pandai guess her age XD)

She says I never cry even she forgot to feed me while I just few months old
She says I never request from her even she absent always in my childhood
She says I am too good for her,having a son like me

She always come back home with LOADS of things for me while I just few years old
That she can't make it at homemore then twice per year

She always says sorry to me because she can't be with me always,when I was 9

She help me defead a bad boy on bus,after he bully me,I was 9
The way she hold a STICK and yell at him scares me(the boy cry haha)
SHES HOT(if she is young enough I would say that hahaha)

She always call back home when I was 9,she moved to hk that time

She always ask me to visit her when I had long holiday
But I always refuse to go(very expensive la,i tahu kira de)

She first BEAT ME UP is in HK,when I was 10
I go home without notice my mom,when we loitering in a shopping mall
(That time showing journey to west,nice~)
I holding the key,so I pandai go home myself without notice them
She was crying when she back home,and I get beaten afterwards

She give birth to my brother when i was 9,that I don't really like him
(Prejudice of mine,TOLD YOU I AM BAD)

She want me to take care my bro always,But I often ignore her

And, She is calling me to have a talk,twice in a week
(I request so)

But anyway,she is my mother,a weirdo's mom