Break time

Am a guy that easily cry
Not blessed or even cared

Some saying, Chinese thinking of course
Man can bleed,but cannot cry
Says who?

ha ha, i been once cry, not because of someone pass away,or something similiar
I cry on a shoulder of someone, which someone very near,and yet
Far away from me

Guess, having trip to other places helps
Thou it is a lonely trip

When time comes, I can't run
It is the time, I need to take a break
For future, for myself
Time for a break

Meme and me

Haha, its time to clean some spiderwed here
Since the owner *me* is being lazy to stay in a fluffy house *this blog* which have no visitors *ghost i think got la*

But I guess this blog will angry me if I keep input negative emo into it
Errrhh!! I tried not to do so, But so sorry, My dear Blog, I am sad, depressed, unmotivated, and please name those negative type emo to me please, I am poor in english

I am confused, to a specific person
Which only involved in my fantacy world, in real world?
Someone far away from me, unreachable
But yet, its not wrong to like someone
I am just too naive to put hope in a never-gonna-happen happy ending scene
Until now I am still hoping and praying and whatsoever things that like a 18 years old lady day dreaming about

F*** it!!!
Since when I changed?
Since when I let intruder come whack my peacefulness
F*** it!!!!!!


I changed when people saying I am too cool
Well, thats my origin
Now, I am too hot-hearted and yet get hurt

I think it's time, forgeting those funny stuffs
Be a normal DC
Cool and stabil, that is more like me
Not like the one you asking, for no reason.

Friend

さしぶりだね
Rainy days recently
From the dark greyish sky to my deepest mind
I can feel my heart is crying like the sky did
I try not to think, But I always forgot to forgot
Your damn face appeared with joy pop up my day always
But then losing sight of you will make me lose control
That's why I always wishes, wish that you can stick with me always

But too bad, there is nothing I can do except wishing
To me, as long as you still remember to call up my name, as a friend
That will be enough, althought I am selfish that
Until I think one day you will be mine, but I can't, I don't want
I can't afford you to like me, I rather hurt myself to remain this situation
I want you to be happy, to be special, to be bright, but not someone like me
It's a pain knowing you, But thank you for making me have the feelings again
At least it proves I am still a human being
Thank you
Friend, that I will try to be one of your friend.only.

Moody

It's been a while
I didn't update anything here.
Well, tonight its a chance for me to relif my pains here.
Recently its very happy and satisfying, been go clubbing, go yam char, go for dining out, go movies, go shopping, everything seems very nice, and it did makes me very happy

But not tonight

I don't understand why, when night time I will have this pain in my heart, that makes me hard to breath, difficult to think, and feel bad to live.
Is this some kind of depression?
Or, I am just being too lonely

People always like to ask, 'whos your GF ar?'
But I always answer, 'Single not bad meh?'

I guess I always being alone, Think alone, act alone, and somehow, I don't feel like want to accept a partner but indeed, Deep inside me says, I need one.

I want someone to hug when I need warm
I want someone cheers me when I need praise
I want someone scold me when I am rude
I want someone call me when I am bored
I want someone to hold when I at outside
I want someone care when I need them

Oh well, I want too much already, too greedy being a mortal.
Hope Tomorrow will be another better day.
Rainy and cloudy days please go away.
Shadow within me fade off
Let me hold my own feelings

Wonderland

I have a dream~~

(Background music: I have a dream, By Westlife)



Haha, today i went for counselling with my lecturer, I enjoy this small conversation with her, Althought its a very very 'small' one, Its about why we are taking 'Broadcasting' this course, and how suitable are we in this field.



Well, the result for me is 'Ok OK' only, seems like I still a little bit of confuse of what I really wanna be at the future. She asked ' what kinda position you want to be in broadcasting this role?'



Hmmm, I want to get famous~ haha, I guess for most of the people, YEAH, I WANNA GET FAMOUS

Some might not, but still, i say what my 'fantasy' ambition is, to be, Or will be someone famous.





But that is not my dream.

Not really is.



Unlike others children living with some ordinary parents, "When big son,go be doctor/lawyer/whatever"

This is from TV, of course.

My mom used to ask me study more, then thats it.

Work hard in anything, wherever you want, whatever you want, just do it(Nike slogan,lol)



The first ambition on my mind, is to be a Pilot~

Imagine you are driving an airplane or something, SO YENG~ haha

This is when I was 9, come back from HK, separate with my mom. Purpose? I can fly to where my mom is. NAHHHHH, this is when I was 9.

When grow older, I don't need her that much, compare to my lonely childhood, I become more independant, I want to be free, Yes. FREE.

My dream changed, I want to be Air steward, same with my mom, and also my mom's sister,and some of my relatives.

I always listen to my mom and my aunt's fantasy story about the world, the culture, and how beautiful the world is.



But yet, should i face the reality that i have 'disappropriate' of my face, acne scars, and also some minor scars on my hand.
I put faith, I have trust, but I don't have strength to do it alone.

I am hot



well,its HOT

Journey from my house to the bus station is a walk to garden in hell

Almost take my life away

I just don't know why western loves sun that much

At least I don't appriciate it,plus,I hate it





Anyway,thanks to the sun providing me HOT temparature

So that I won't get sick that easy

Since I got a very sensitive NOSE and a funny body



Less sleeps? ==> Flu and sneeze all day long ==> Sick

Get cold? ==> Flu and sneeze all day long ==> Sick

Other formulae shows no different,end up? Sick



I'd take care myself, and I really tried many times

But, Sigh.... makes no differences

Till now, Mr. Sickness from someone haven't change at all

Richie

Last night jessica forward an email to me
Its all about DOGS

Kinda reminds me of my dog
Not really mine la,my uncle bought it
and leave it to my grandma to raise
then he sendiri go penang work
pandai dia

It is a Black labrador

He is black
He is handsome
He is FAT
He is greedy
He is LAZY
He is pity(I always beat him when i get beaten from grandma)
His name is Richie





(pic from google)






I was 9 when they buy that black little labrador
Which looks like the pic I uploaded

When he is still a puppy,
He is cute(puppy mah)
He is NAUGHTY(while he growing teeth,my grandma's car get bitten and part of the car leaves mark from his MOUTH)
He is PITY(after bitten up my TOYSSS,I use stick beat him)

End up he is my fellow during childhood,a pity one

When I was 10,my family and I go for a trip
which leaves him home alone
We ask my grandpa to feed him when we on vacasion
========================================
After 1 week,when we back,WE realise...
HE IS NOT RICHIE!!TURN TO BE BIG FAT ASS DOG
Since that day,we force him to diet
(My grandpa keep feeding him chicken organ,NON STOP)
(He says,'richie seems not full enough,I give he eat,then i give LO)



Example of a black labrador


but mine
Richie..
Is alot
alot alot
more fatter




(Diet failed)

He always eat things I give to him
(Food i don't like,my grandma never know where it goes haha)
I mean,no matter what THINGS
Once I throw a tissue holding LOADS of 'water from nose'
(Imagine it how 'liquid' it is,not I not purposely throw to him)
He came and eat it.....
(YUCK!!!)

I don't like to wash him
Because he will just 'swing' himself?(I don't know the word)
which will makes me wet as well,i tried once
NO THANKS,I let my grandma do the job,since she love it

He likes me to tickle,when he see me raise up hand
He will show his BODY and let me tickle
Lazy,really lazy
He can sleep in the same place more then 4 hours without moving
LAZY
Ball I throw away,he will 'walk' there slowly and pick it up
VERY LAZY

Until I 17 years old
He is getting old and sick

He can't stand probably for his last few months
After he 'sit' or 'sleep',I have to hug him and raise him up
He cry,because he can't stand by itself
We thought is just 'wind wet'(read in cantonese)

After few times,I hug him and send him to hospital

because he can't 'pee' smoothly

Doctor says its cancer for him,which can't help much
Can only use pain killer for the time

After 1 month,
I was crying when I know he is dead
I was in national service
I know it from my grandma's call
I can't see him for my last time
When I finish national service
I found out I don't have any picture of him

There goes,for my only childhood fellow
which let me bully and beat haha,But I always love my dog
I don't have his picture,but he is always within my family
I love you richie!

Mother

This is what happen,when a mother INTERRUPT into her son's life
honestly,I am not a good guy,I don't actually do something to comfort my mom

But I guess starting of this blog, will make her happy
Why?

Because this is HER'S order
this is the reason of saying interruption
'Practice makes prefect'
URH!!

I prefer blogs of mine decribing or telling story

so,my MOTHER will be my first topic



My mother
Charming
Clever
Caring
Cheerful
Confident
Cute(I meant it)
Carmen,was my mother's name



She give birth to me while shes 22(pandai pandai guess her age XD)

She says I never cry even she forgot to feed me while I just few months old
She says I never request from her even she absent always in my childhood
She says I am too good for her,having a son like me

She always come back home with LOADS of things for me while I just few years old
That she can't make it at homemore then twice per year

She always says sorry to me because she can't be with me always,when I was 9

She help me defead a bad boy on bus,after he bully me,I was 9
The way she hold a STICK and yell at him scares me(the boy cry haha)
SHES HOT(if she is young enough I would say that hahaha)

She always call back home when I was 9,she moved to hk that time

She always ask me to visit her when I had long holiday
But I always refuse to go(very expensive la,i tahu kira de)

She first BEAT ME UP is in HK,when I was 10
I go home without notice my mom,when we loitering in a shopping mall
(That time showing journey to west,nice~)
I holding the key,so I pandai go home myself without notice them
She was crying when she back home,and I get beaten afterwards

She give birth to my brother when i was 9,that I don't really like him
(Prejudice of mine,TOLD YOU I AM BAD)

She want me to take care my bro always,But I often ignore her

And, She is calling me to have a talk,twice in a week
(I request so)

But anyway,she is my mother,a weirdo's mom